Meeting R’s Tummy Mommy
On Friday of last week, I had a chance to meet R’s “tummy mommy”. Until you’ve met the mother of your baby, you will never know what that strange feeling is like. Knowing that you both love this little girl so much, and yet, both of you play very different roles in her life, is quite something. Seeing the amazing resemblance between “my” daughter and a lady I’d never met, and seeing R’s eyes light up as she was scooped into her mother’s arms… you cannot describe those feelings. Then later, having a few minutes to actually have a chat with the mother of my baby… trying to build a bridge, telling her that I can see where R got her looks from, showing her the baby book and sharing photos…
One cannot possibly understand those feelings unless you’ve walked in those shoes. And I cannot possibly understand how she must have felt, meeting the woman who is raising her daughter. The compassion I felt for her was so great, in that moment, I wished I could wave a magic wand and somehow make all her addictions disappear. I wished too, that I could go back 20 years and try to make a difference in this girl’s life so that she’d never get to this point.
But I can’t. So I will do my best to love her baby, for as long as she is here. I will do my best to make a difference in R’s life for as long as I can, so that hopefully she will not walk in the same painful shoes as her tummy mommy. I hope that she will have the same warm smile, the same beautiful eyes, the same spunky personality, the same genuine laugh. I will tell R how beautiful her mother is, because she will undoubtedly look like her. I will tell her how much her mother loves her, because she does. And I hope that one day, she will have her own little girl, nestled safely in her arms, without the pain of having to say goodbye as a result of her own struggles.
-Rebekah, Edmonton, AB